Retreat: Day 2

Retreat: Day 2

Today was quite uneventful. It felt a lot like saying goodbye to the person I love.

It’s night and I walked the length of the beach alone. I waded in the waters, stopped for a while and looked up. I saw the most amazing stars this island could offer. I smiled. I remember the nights I watched the stars with him, also in a beach. I was saying goodbye to all those memories.

To you –

I remember that time in Tagaytay when I saw the girl with you in that photo. You were in the shower. I contemplated packing up hurriedly and leaving. Instead I walked out the door and tread the highway of Magallanes in freezing air, trying to stop myself from crying. I was walking and you found me. You were carrying our valuables because you had to leave our hotel door unlocked since I took the keys. You saw me and walked towards me. You suddenly bursted, “what are you doing?!” I said, “nothing” while clutching the sleeves of my jacket, controlling myself. You sighed loudly and huffed off. I followed slowly and was just about to reach our room when I heard our room door slam. I entered the room and you were lying down on the bed watching TV. I put down the room keys at the side table. I took a shower, and complained about not having hot water when I got out. You asked about it. We were civil.

I lied down on the bed and tried watching TV. Rush Hour 2 was on. You were watching me and after a while asked what was going on. Eventually, I told you. You said nothing happened between you and the girl. It was when I told you I’m not going to see you again and you were here, on the same island I’m in now when you met the girl. I believed it but I doubted that nothing happened.

I’m saying goodbye to those memories. To the memories that hurt so bad to the memories that made me happy.

I look up the stars and wish that I could let go.

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