Monthly Archives: February 2012

Swallow Your Feelings « Thought Catalog

Swallow Your Feelings « Thought Catalog.

I just feel the need to share this.

Swallow Your Feelings

 DEC. 2, 2011 By JULIE BECK

Swallow your feelings. Scoop them neatly and don’t let them spill or leave a stain. Chew them quickly – don’t savor them – just long enough to make them an unrecognizable mush before pushing them down to be dissolved in the acid below. Start small, just the ones you can handle: sadness when someone dies in a movie, anger at tech support. Those are the ones that make sense, that go down smooth.

Others are harder to swallow, the complex, multi-course meals made of layer after layer of uncertainty and guilt, warring flavors of disbelief and longing to believe, fear of getting what you want and fear of losing what you never had. It’s okay if you can’t choke them down right away, if they get stuck halfway and leave a lump in your throat, if they make you sick and some of them leak out through your eyes and nose or burst out of your mouth when you least expect it. It happens to the best of us. You just have to build up a tolerance. Consume them little by little, and before you know it, you’ll have room on your plate for something else, something better.

Just as you can’t remember the time before you ate solid food, soon it will become second nature. One day you’ll wonder when the last time you cried was, and find you can’t remember. That’s great, you’ll think, no one can hurt you now. No one can touch you. You are a pristine and impenetrable fortress of stoicism. Everything is blank and immaculate.

Carry on and don’t give it another thought. Not until someone asks you how you feel and you don’t have an answer because you just don’t know. Not until something happens and you laugh when you were supposed to cry because somewhere along the way the wires got crossed. Not until someone is sitting in front of you, spewing their feelings and begging for yours and all you can think is what a mess they’ve made in the place you’ve worked so hard to keep so tidy.


Reasonably Ludicrous

A handy list of Do’s an Don’t’s!


Wander around your apartment in your underwear. Or, if you’re feeling ‘ballsy,’ completely naked! Your girlfriend was the one who always wanted you to “put some clothes on, for god’s sake.” You thought that was counterproductive–she was just going to take them off anyway! Well now’s your chance to feel those hard-to-reach spots get caressed by the winds of freedom rather than by someone who demands you come to every single one of her interpretive dance recitals. Enjoy it!


Watch at least 5 episodes of Entourage or any other show that makes relationships look worthless and singleness seem awesome. Don’t you want to be those guys? Well, if you were dating, you couldn’t be.


Watch The Notebook or Love, Actually, or anything that’s not about rampant casual sex or a lot of killing. Be careful. In some of those movies…

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Should try it one of these days


Holy MOLY was this good.

This is definitely, by far, the thing you should be making tonight for dinner.  Or tomorrow.

Or for Valentine’s Day.

It’s REALLY good.

My super outdoorsy friend Weston goes on fishing trips in Alaska, and he brought over some halibut for us to cook earlier this week.  The parmesan and dill preparation was something he’d had in Alaska at a restaurant, so he described it to me and this is what I came up with.

It was SO good and easy!

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Logic vs. Guts

I’ve seen this photo floating around my Facebook news feed. Several days ago I was contemplating on what is best – to be right-brained or left-brained. In conventional schools, the competition is whoever gets the highest grade. Sure, you can dance. Sure, you can play a song on the piano just by hearing the song once. Sure, you can sing. But those things won’t make you get high grades, unless we’re referring to PE and Music.

I am not belittling PE and Music and other non-academic stuff. But we have to admit that there’s a reason why they call it “non-academic” subjects in academes. The competition to get high grades in “academic” subjects is intense for the left-brained people. Don’t get me wrong. I admit that I have very little, if any, creative side to me. I’m more of the left-brained person – always thinking, most of the time in numbers, and almost always analyzing. Sometimes I wonder if this has any connection at all why women are smarter than men. LOL [Men might spite me, and at this rate I’m giving myself a zero chance to get a boyfriend lol]

Point is, I will agree with the photo that the right brain should be portrayed as such. It’s all about imagination, creativity, music. Life. There was a point when I wished I had been right-brained instead of left. But I’m still grateful for being left-brained. I’m thankful for passing the subjects, though not with soaring colors, but yeah, it flew.

And this is where I get defensive. I totally disagree with the portrayal of the left brain. Sure, the brain is referred to as gray matter but it doesn’t have to be portrayed as dull as that. For people like me, it stimulates brain flow especially if there’s some intellectual conversation with another person. I think active brain neurons should have been drawn there as well. 😉


Words in the picture too small? Here’s what it says.

Left Brain:

“I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language. Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.”

Right Brain:
“I am the right brain. I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feat. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be.”

Are you left-brained or right-brained? 🙂

Angels Are Here

Last night, my roommate and I had a conversation about religion, God, demons, angels, the Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ – you get the drift. I will admit that I’m not a very religious person. I believe in God, but I don’t like how my religion practices everything – like how they hate gay people, how they take the Bible word per word, etc. (For the record, I’m straight). But last night, I was freaked out, scared, afraid.

So let me start it this way,

My friend was Catholic and converted to Born Again. During her Born Again phase, a burden she has been carrying for a long while was lifted off her shoulders. She became happier and her face does not seem downcast anymore. There were visual proof and people need only believe. I will not state the details as this is still a private matter, but after the burden was lifted off, there are remnants. For a week, these remnants of her burden has not let her sleep. She couldn’t cope with these remnants and eventually sought help. She soon converted back to Catholicism. She says there are really some things that only Catholicism can provide. These remnants were solved by prayer, specifically the Hail Mary. She then became a devotee of the Lady of the Guadalupe.

There was a point when she decided she wanted to enter the convent. She had been going to the convent and practicing with the nuns. She used to pray three hours a day and this does not include her meditative hours. She says that nuns have different groups – there are the missionary nuns, cloistered nuns, and others. She wanted to become a cloistered nun. She says that cloistered nuns pray for other people, sometimes they pray for 3 hours just for one person, depending on the need of the person to be saved. It would sound like bull, has it not been for my roommate’s dedication to God and the Virgin Mary. I wouldn’t have believed her if she didn’t recount all her experiences in the convent.

She told me of one of her friends who can see his/her guardian angel and others’ as well. Her particular friend can also see the aura of the people. The friend told her that during the mass, if you concentrate real hard, and feel the essence of the mass, you will see your guardian angel walking towards the altar during the offertory. Those guardian angels of humans who were intently listening and participating in the mass carry something towards the altar, and would be in front of the line. However, those guardian angels of humans who weren’t participating in the mass would be at the back of the line carrying nothing and weeping. Thus, that was why during mass, she would be so intent and absorbed in the Eucharistic event. She says that you will not be able to disturb her as that is very important to her. This comes from a girl who cannot keep quiet – literally. Quick addition, her friend says that the gift to see angels is not only limited to angels. Her friend can also see the counterpart of a person’s guardian angel, those from the other side.

What freaked me out from the conversation the most was when she started talking about the gifts. In the convent, she says that everyone has a designation – cloistered nuns become cloistered nuns for a reason, and same goes with missionary nuns etc. She says it’s determined on your gift and your spiritual need. Gifts vary – from clairvoyance, prophecy, seeing angels etc. She asked me what my gift was. I told her that I do not know. She asked me to reflect on it. After several minutes, I had an inclination but I wasn’t sure. I still refused to tell her, and we still talked about other related stuff. I get in bed and she says, “I’m really curious to what your gift is.” I gave in, and told her that I’m not sure but it might be. I told her of many instances and she looked at me and asked if I can do what I do to myself. I said no. I asked her if what I had been experiencing she also experiences. She says no. All this time I thought what I had been going through was normal and happens to everyone. Apparently it doesn’t. I also told her that’s why I have to keep quiet most of the time. She says, “so that’s the mystery behind why you don’t talk much.” To be honest, I’ve never told anyone of that.

I’m still freaked out, and last night I was scared. Before, when I thought it was normal, I had been cautious and I always had to stop myself. But now, I fear that it’s more dangerous and I feel somewhat responsible.

Last night, when I prayed to God before I slept, I felt fear. It was one of the longest and intimate prayers I have had in months.

I wouldn’t have believed her but I know her quite well to realize she’s not lying or making things up. I find it hard to believe people, and believing her means that something there struck a chord. I wouldn’t have believed her if I had not realized that such things could happen. Some things, they are just better when told through personal experience rather than the media presenting it in a nice wrapper with a pretty bow. Some things, they are just better without the frills and the laces.

I wouldn’t know if you believe me, and I wouldn’t want to force that to anyone. However, to all those who have reached until this part of my entry, I encourage you to find what your gift is. Your gift is something unique, it’s something not all people can do. It’s something innate in you and it will call out to you. It is inside of you, living. Acknowledge it for it to be put into good. My friend says that your gift can be used for the good and the bad. Do not let your gift be used to forsake people, to wreak havoc, to be a tool for evil. Some are better in meditation because they have that gift. My friend’s is like that. She can see things during meditation but she acknowledges guidance. I know that I’m not a very religious person, I wouldn’t call myself religious. But I do believe in some things, and some things are just too real and true to ignore.