Monthly Archives: July 2012

Aging

There are times when I actually regret that I had fallen in love the first time and it had ended how it ended. I remembered the person I was before it happened – innocent and trusting. I remembered how unassuming I was that he already liked me, how I tried to avoid liking him because I thought he didn’t like me. I remembered him saying he liked me because I was young and innocent.

Now it’s all gone.

Most of the time I wish I was still innocent so I can still look at people with trust, or at most, not be so jaded about love. It’s not that I am cursing love at all… what worries me more is that, right now, I’m actually choosing to forget about it because I knew how much it hurt. I do agree and appreciate people in love. I am happy for them. I just don’t know how I would be able to fall in love the next time. I don’t have that much wonder about it anymore, nor do I trust it that much.

I remember that person I fell in love with tell me that love is overrated. I don’t think it is at all. I think it is just what they say it is. It’s beautiful, and unfortunately some people don’t deserve it. However, once I have forgotten about this, I might also become an empty shell of a person, with no love to share or feel at all. And that is the scariest of all.

Part VIII: Visa Interview

I finally had my visa interview earlier. It was relatively okay, I might have had a few blunders in the pre-screening, the one at the finger scanning was utterly adorable and friendly (I like him!) and then at the final interview, the consul was cranky. He had just issued a visa rejection to the person previous to me, and I’m not sure if he also issued a visa rejection to the person before that.

He only asked a few questions –

  • Where are you going?
    Hult International Business School in San Francisco, California
  • What will you be taking up?
    Master’s in International Business
  • Who will be paying for your tuition?
    My parents, and I received scholarship from the school.
  • Can I see the financial documents you have and scholarship letter?
    Would bank certifications suffice?
    Sungit consul: Everything you have. *I gave him the scholarship letter and just gave him certifications. He took a look at the scholarship and I had to explain to him what’s up with it. And then he looked at the certifications. I was honestly considering giving him the bank statements and the latest passbooks as well as it was taking him quite long looking at the certifications. He started writing numbers on the blue paper which are given to those who will be denied of a visa so I was kinda panicking inside if he was actually going to give me that.*
  • What and where did you take up in college?
    I have degrees in Development Studies and Economics from Ateneo de Manila University.
  • How much is the SEVIS fee?
    *I was going to give him the receipt because I heard/thought that he was asking for it. Apparently, he wasn’t.*
    Consul: I said, how much is it?
    Me: 200 USD
  • Okay, your visa has been approved. You’ll receive it in a week’s time. Next.
    Me: Thanks. *afterwards thinking, that was a really weird question… how much is the SEVIS fee?*

Anyway, there you go. My visa has been approved. I just have to pay the tuition and book a flight!

The Play of Emotions

Have you ever noticed how one bad thing can ruin a really good day just like *snaps fingers* that? I had been thinking of how I actually had a somewhat okay day yesterday – no frills, no sadness. I went to play badminton with some of the newly found friends I met, and we had a good exercise. We went for dinner at a grill house just outside the court. The food was even good. And then, later on that night, I went to sleep in a fetus position, hugging my white seal stuff toy, with my hotdog pillow behind me. Why? Just because I couldn’t print out my completed DS-160 application and I bought the wrong ink for my printer which I forgot about and I’m past a day of the 7 days allowance for an exchange. The inks cost a lot (around 48 USD).

I was pretty pissed off the whole night until I got tired and decided to curl into a ball and mope which sucks. I clearly blame PMS.

I would also like to think that everything has just a way of balancing itself – such as how you were in bliss for a period of a week and then everything will just come crashing down on you for a month. Or you’re just happy for probably three months and then you found out something which crushes your happiness and you run off and walk the length of a highway in the dead middle of the night, discerning if you should go back home which is two to three hours away or sleep on this bench where you spend an hour after walking, holding back your tears. Or you just suddenly realized you’re actually in love for the first time and then three months after you find out he was never actually in love with you and all that he said was a consolation of some sort to spare your feelings just for a little while.

It took six months to fall in love with him. It took six months to burn the bridge, at least partly. It took two months to try and reconnect, and somehow it failed. It took him two months after that to ask if I was still alive. It took him two weeks to burn the bridge again. It took two more months for me to set fire to the whole of the bridge and pretend it never existed, and somehow hoping that in another reality, it never did.

It took a year and two months to not hurt again. It took six months to build a sturdy wall. The cycle may just happen again but you won’t expect it’ll be soon because you built a wall strong enough that the Hulk can’t even smash it.

Don’t you just hate how emotions can be rolled and rolled around, unpredictable and unstoppable?

UPDATE: Office Warehouse allowed my items to be exchanged!!! They’re awesome. 🙂

Narcissism or Just Curious?

Lately, the people around me ask me how I think of them. Sometimes I wonder how people think of me but I was never one to ask what they think of me – probably because I am scared of what they will answer or I simply don’t care. Somebody even asked me to rate their looks. I can’t help thinking if they just needed an affirmation of what they think of themselves or they just wanted to feel good about themselves.

There seems to be just two sides to this – it’s either one is insecure or one is narcissistic. Given the benefit of the doubt, maybe one is just curious. I’m not saying I’m annoyed or irritated. Rather, I’m curious. I wonder what’s going on in their minds, I wonder why they had to ask me, I wonder why they asked.

This brings me to the website I’m creating – Sunkissed Spirit. It’s still under construction and I was filling out the “About” section which includes who I am. It brings me to the question of how will I answer that? Will I say that I’m a daughter, a sister, a bum? Will I provide my education and my previous employments? Will I state my hobbies?

Some people find it easy to answer who they are and list all their credentials in one page. I, on the other hand, want to choose what I will put there. I want to appear like an approachable person. Answering who you are is like packaging yourself into an idea in people’s heads that you are like this, and like that and when they meet you in person, they pretty much have an idea of what to expect. You can choose to intimidate or charm.

It’s all about the packaging, and this made me realize that all of these is related to advertising. Somehow, I felt like I’m selling myself which is funny in it’s own ironic way. The internet is indeed a powerful tool. It not only bridges people, but it somehow requires that it packages people consciously or unconsciously.

Freedom #3

To be honest, I think I really am lacking in creativity when it comes to thinking of titles. LOL

Anyway, I have noticed that lately it seems that I am more motivated to do things, maybe because I have the time in my hands and it’s just a waste not to do anything! And that is good! My friend did say that I am somehow restless, but nevertheless, sometimes it’s good. It gives me something to do. As it was said, if you want to accomplish more each day, watch less TV (I haven’t really watched anything yet 🙂 ).

So on with the 4th day…

4th Day

  • paid for my visa application fee (have to wait a while before I can schedule; P.S. I walked back from the bank to my house, probably around 2-3 km)
  • had the entertainment system set up (well actually I just waited for the guy setting it up to finish)
  • exercised (Hip Hop Abs yo! It’s the second day of exercise and I’m feeling jovial!)
  • arranged the clothes in my closet (they’re not exactly in order, the cleaning lady or my mom just hangs the clothes and my clothes are color and type-coded! Like all skirts go here, all dresses here, all blue dresses here, all black dresses here. Somehow they just couldn’t get it 😦 Anyway I’m doing a part 2 of my arranging tomorrow)

It honestly could be worse… and the above are just a few of them, and I have a walk in closet. Imagine the horror!

Oh and before anything else, a shoutout to my dear friend, Naveen Narayan, Happy 23rd birthday!!!

Freedom #2

I have this inclination to list down the things I had accomplished/done after my resignation. It provides a good picture of the opportunity costs while I was working. However, of course it’s a given that all my money is being spent and not even a single centavo is being replenished… but aside from all that, here goes my third day of freedom –

3rd Day

  • had a treatment (been waiting to do this for ages, however it is dependent on the haircut so now that my hair has been chopped off, finally had the chance to do this)
  • met up with a friend for lunch (can actually meet up with friends while the sun is still out! *tears of joy*)
  • cleaned the bathroom at the condo (yes, I purposely dropped by the condo to clean this since I have been pending it for four weeks already [condo = apartment])
  • accomplished my DS 160 (yes, I have finally done it! Next is I just have to pay the application fee!)

I still have a lot of pending tasks on my list (such as losing weight which will not happen in one day even in my wildest dreams) and it just feels great that somehow all the things I cannot do because I was at work is now doable. I’m not recommending being a bum and unemployed (technically I’m not since I am running a business with friends) but sometimes it’s just good to take a break and do things that has been nagging your mind for a while. It eases the pimple growth too!

Part VII: VISA

Apparently I missed writing in my blog LOL

So here we go at one of the most anticipated part of studying Masters abroad. VISA.

I have started my DS160 application. I didn’t expect it to require too many information. I must have accomplished 75% of the application when I had to stop because I lack information and a fast and stable internet.

I’m also grateful that the business school I’m entering (Hult IBS if you’re curious) provides the students a step-by-step instruction on what to do next. If I’m doing this all on my own, I would probably be going in circles and/or Futterwacking around my room instead (for those who haven’t seen Johnny Depp aka Mad Hatter’s dance in Alice in Wonderland, you’re missing half of your dancing class).

Anyway, I still have to accomplish everything tomorrow. I might be dropping by the condo and meet up with some people or something. Hopefully I get to do more tomorrow! 🙂

Freedom

Well I’m beginning to think this post is somewhat overdue but nevertheless…

I learned around June 19, 2012 that my supervisor was resigning. It didn’t really come as quite a shock as on the day I learned about it, a little bird told me a rumor that two higher officials are going to be fired. Apparently, the true story was, two higher officials resigned, weren’t fired, and those two were my bosses. Upon learning the news, I didn’t know whether to be excited or not. I was quite dumbfounded not because they resigned, but because they were resigning before I am.

Two weeks before I learned of the news, I already told the bosses that I can only stay until the end of July since I will be taking up my Master’s soon and I have to arrange some things. Apparently, they had submitted their letter of resignation around that time as well without letting anyone know. They said they were waiting for a go signal from the big boss as their resignation might have political implications (*grumble… politics*).

Once I have learned of the news, I drafted my resignation letter effective the same date as those of my bosses. I was co-terminus with them and once they are out of the office, my position is gone too. Although the Office of the Secretary did tell me their intention of absorbing me back to their office again, I didn’t really want to repeat all those hellish days agaib. LOL and I’m resigning anyway end of July, what’s there to lose if it’s a month earlier? (I know it’s money but I don’t think it’ll be worth it).

I submitted my resignation letter to my immediate supervisor, CC’d the personnel last June 25, 2012. This was after I received permission from my supervisor to already submit it. It was effective June 30, 2012 as that was the date my boss’ resignation is effective as well. Looking back last week, I was really anticipating it. Monday morning, I barely want to stand up and get ready for work. I was THAT excited to experience sleeping in again.

Fast forward to today, I am glad I resigned. I do need quite a bit of time to get everything ready before I fly to CA. I’m actually looking for a more relaxed lifestyle before I jump in to the unknown again. However, only problem is, I have been getting restless. Maybe it’s the thought of I have so many things to do that I want them over and done with now, thus I am restless. Or maybe it’s the fact that I do know I have to do lots of things but unless I finish a very distractive (get the pun?) game of Burger Island, I won’t be able to move forward with my list of To Do’s.

So first two days of not having work… how is it?

AWESOME.

I already made progress –

1st Day:

  • went to the bank to open Route +63’s account (which reminds me that I have to also write about this)
  • went to the bank to withdraw payment for parents (yes, I owe them money)
  • had my haircut (oh this is an achievement! a long pending to do!)

From the waist-long curly hair, I really just had to request for it to be chopped off just above the shoulder. I must be insane.

2nd Day:

  • had my photo taken for the US visa application (yes that’s right, I don’t have my visa yet)
  • went to the nail spa and had a paraffin treatment for the hands and feet plus a mani-pedi (and I just love the color of the nail polish!)

  • went to get DQ blizzard (oh how I missed you! how long has it been?)
  • actually filled out a part of my US visa application (sigh… I really want to get this off my head but I would have to do this later… have to look at some other documents)
  • blogged about freedom and resignation (yes, to me, this is freedom.)

To be fair, I really do think I have accomplished a lot from the first two days of my freedom. We’ll see about the third day later. And yes, I really do believe that for me this is freedom from my previous job in particular. No one aside from those who have worked with me knows the extent of freedom resignation can give especially if you have been working there. LOL yes, I’m also exaggerating. 🙂