I really don’t know what this is…

Last week, I was so demotivated at work. I even searched reasons why one gets demotivated at work just to confirm if I was really demotivated. I realized that I was demotivated because I felt no one really values the work I do. No one at work knows what I do. Even me. I can’t establish what my responsibilities are, or what my scope is. Whenever I try, my role changes to another but retains the title. I am confused and at a loss. The tragic thing is, even though I really really really want to blame someone else for the instability, I really couldn’t. It is my job. Yet, I feel powerless to control it.

I knew I was burning out. I was feeling that my efforts are wasted. My work was inefficient, and a lot of man hours in the trash. I was not accomplishing anything. It’s tiring me out.

Today, I am so grateful. I had a win after a long time. I felt so happy that I didn’t even bother that my unofficial partner was angry at me. I was even at the point of enjoying that no one was bothering me.

By the way, updates on my partner and I – we’re not doing good. We’ve been fighting a lot… And instability in my relationship life does not do good with an unstable work. Anyway, neither of us are happy, and I have been contemplating for a long time of breaking up with him. The only thing I am wary of is that, right now, I might be okay with it but come the time when my hormones act up (PMS), I’ll be crying my eyes out again.

I know I’m not okay… But I know I can’t give up. Planning to use the win today to inspire me.

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One thought on “I really don’t know what this is…

  1. I try to see if I, in several years, still see myself in this or that position. You can’t keep being unhappy because that is what also has no value to your life. It just makes it a drag. 😦

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