Monthly Archives: September 2017

I confessed…

I signed up for a Catholic seminar a month ago. The seminar was supposed to be held from August 26-27, and one of the preparations required for attendees is to confess.

I confessed.

After so many years, I confessed. After years of keeping all my sins a secret because I was so guilty, and embarrassed, I confessed.

The priest centered around one topic before letting me go – Love.

He said, see God’s image in everyone and you will learn how to care, you will learn how to love.

That night, I told him I confessed my sins to the priest.

He asked me what I confessed. He was curious.

I said, it will make you think terribly of me. I did something terrible.

He insisted. I said I’d rather keep it a secret. He kept quiet.

After a few minutes of silence, I realized I should tell him because he deserves to know. It was a risk. He might hate me, be disgusted by me… but I decided. I decided I want to be honest with someone. I want that relationship wherein I am me, and that I know he knows he can trust me.

I told him.

He said, “that doesn’t make you a terrible person,” then he held me tight and that lulled me to sleep.


Healing through Love

Like before, he is with me through tough times. Unlike before, we have a mutual understanding of what we are to each other.

Most nights I stay up and talk to him. Most nights I can’t get enough of talking to him.

Two weeks ago, around 3 PM:

Me (via text): I’m having a bad day at work.


Me (upon seeing him): Hey, how was your day?

Him: Why did you have a bad day at work? What happened?

It was the first time in a long time that someone actually cared to ask me how my day went. It was the first time in a long time that someone actually remembered I had a bad day and didn’t talk about his day first. I was so used to listening to other people that it surprised me that someone would want to hear what I had to say.

When we were talking about the girls he could have met up with last year…

Me: So if you’re so lazy to meet up with girls, why did you always visit me in Taft?

Him: Because… you’re good. You have a good profile, and you’re (a) good (person).

Some days I’d imagine where could our conversations lead…

Me: So you’ve really never fallen in love?

Him: Never

Me: Why not?

Him: Because… (pause) How do you know you’re in love?

Me: It’s when you always want to hold his hand even if you’re just lying down on the bed talking or going about your business. It’s when you talk and you look at him and you knew your eyes are twinkling. It’s when you gaze at him and think how much you want to kiss him but you don’t. It’s when you catch yourself stealing glimpses of him while he works on his laptop. It’s when in the mornings you wrap your arms around him, and you never want to get up even though you’re late for work. It’s when you look at him while he’s sleeping and wish that what you have right now won’t end. It’s when you wake up and look at him sleeping beside you and think how every single day of your life would be complete if you wake up every morning with him beside you.

Him: Is that how you feel about me?

Me: Yes.