So as I always say to my sister when I greet her, “What’s up, ketchup?”
- January 11, 2014 was my last post (not counting the first post I have written today). What happened after that? My brother celebrated his birthday and I wasn’t with my family. I was still living abroad, with my cousin and watching the hours tick by. I have met with my boyfriend as often as I can. We decided that we will still be applying for jobs in the US while we are still there. If we do not have jobs until the end of the month, we’d decide to leave the country.
- I was not secretive when I whined repeatedly to anyone who would listen that I want to go back to the Philippines. It has been too lonely – I have been away for far too long. Being unemployed didn’t help either. I was left to my own thoughts most of the nights. I’d keep myself preoccupied by watching Netflix and Hulu. I’ve also revived an old game platform just to keep me busy.
- I started daydreaming about the times when I was back in my country. I remember feeling so happy. It was ironic that in a country where almost every professional wants to leave, I wanted to come back.
- The end of the month came, and I started telling my parents that I’m booking a flight back. My boyfriend suggested we wait a little longer because hiring period had just begun and his dad persuaded him to stay and try more.
- In any country wherein help is limited and visa limitations are not aiding you, it is very difficult to find a job.
- We’ve seen our classmates getting jobs, and we wondered how? Apparently, faking resumes are personally (to them) acceptable, politically accepted and “ethically” okay (because everyone does it anyway). It’s depressing. My boyfriend and I wondered why are we not getting jobs? We have strong resumes. Oh yes, we are not citizens and we do not have green cards.
- Around the first week of February, I booked my ticket. February 20, 2014. I was ecstatic. I remember waking up the next day feeling so jovial because I’m coming home. My own worries caught up to me. As my boyfriend said, the pastures are always greener on the other side.
- I thought, he’s right. What if after all this time, it wasn’t what I thought it was? All those memories before I’m leaving. What if I just chose to feel them because I was lonely where I was?
- I had a feeling of dread. What if my friends are not as I remember they were? What if they changed?
- One of my boyfriend’s friends told him, “Why are you coming back? It will appear like you are a failure because you’ve returned!” His main point was that we came to the US to not only study but to get jobs. However, who would want to sponsor a work visa for us when we don’t even have five years worth of work experience? I have also come to peace with that fact. From the beginning, I never really wanted to stay in the US. I stayed because my boyfriend was staying, and I wanted to tell myself that I have at least tried to get a job. (I should have just stuck with my plan because I kind of regret that decision for some reason.) But as they said, no crying over spilled milk. It was a good experience.
- I also thought, what if I don’t get a job in my country? What if I hated it there?
to be continued…