Last week, I was so demotivated at work. I even searched reasons why one gets demotivated at work just to confirm if I was really demotivated. I realized that I was demotivated because I felt no one really values the work I do. No one at work knows what I do. Even me. I can’t establish what my responsibilities are, or what my scope is. Whenever I try, my role changes to another but retains the title. I am confused and at a loss. The tragic thing is, even though I really really really want to blame someone else for the instability, I really couldn’t. It is my job. Yet, I feel powerless to control it.
I knew I was burning out. I was feeling that my efforts are wasted. My work was inefficient, and a lot of man hours in the trash. I was not accomplishing anything. It’s tiring me out.
Today, I am so grateful. I had a win after a long time. I felt so happy that I didn’t even bother that my unofficial partner was angry at me. I was even at the point of enjoying that no one was bothering me.
By the way, updates on my partner and I – we’re not doing good. We’ve been fighting a lot… And instability in my relationship life does not do good with an unstable work. Anyway, neither of us are happy, and I have been contemplating for a long time of breaking up with him. The only thing I am wary of is that, right now, I might be okay with it but come the time when my hormones act up (PMS), I’ll be crying my eyes out again.
I know I’m not okay… But I know I can’t give up. Planning to use the win today to inspire me.
Today I took this personality test from iPersonic. It had interesting results… now, if only I have an actual job.
My Personality Type: The Independent Thinker
Independent Thinkers are analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities.
People of this personality type are often very successful in their career as they have both competence and purposefulness. Independent Thinkers are excellent strategists; logic, systematics and theoretical considerations are their world. They are eager for knowledge and always endeavour to expand and perfect their knowledge in any area which is interesting for them. Abstract thinking comes naturally to them; scientists and computer specialists are often of this type.
Independent Thinkers are specialists in their area. The development of their ideas and visions is important to them; they love being as flexible as possible and, ideally, of being able to work alone because they often find it a strain having to make their complex trains of thought understandable to other people. Independent Thinkers cannot stand routine. Once they consider an idea to be good it is difficult to make them give it up; they pursue the implementation of that idea obstinately and persistently, also in the face of external opposition.
Independent Thinkers are not the type who easily comes out of his shell. Speaking about their emotional life is also not one of their strong points. Anyway, social relationships are not particularly important to them; they are happy with just a few, close friends who find it easy to share their intellectual world. They find it difficult to establish new ties. In love, they need a lot of space and independence but this does not mean that their partner is not important to them. Independent Thinkers often make a cool and reserved impression on others; but this impression is deceptive: they can hardly bear it if people close to them should reject them. They prefer a harmonious, balanced relationship with a partner who shares their interests and with whom they can realise their visions.
Like all Thinker types you tend to lean towards perfectionism and in the work place you are always striving for as much knowledge and expertise as possible. You are rarely or never satisfied with your accomplishments and that applies to yours as well as the achievements of others. Sometimes that makes it pretty difficult for your colleagues and subordinates to please you. Once you have privately tagged somebody with the label of incompetent, they will not have an easy time in your working environment. However, for those who manage to gain your respect with ability and intellect, you are an equally quick-witted as well as sagacious colleague who is ready to solve even the most difficult problems without apparent effort.
Hardly any other type is as interested in wielding power. However, the Thinker is less interested in wielding power over other people but rather considers controlling nature and his environment to be much more interesting. This is the main motivation for your continuous hunger – almost an obsession – for more information. Improving your capabilities and expanding the store of your knowledge and experience is your life’s main objective.
You are as hard on yourself and your own achievements as on others, and you put great pressure on yourself in your work environment. Sometimes you agonize over self-doubt thinking that you may not accomplish anything after all. Occasionally you stand in your own way obstructing your superior capabilities instead of being able to utilize them. In case it actually happens that you make a mistake, you mercilessly exercise self-criticism and double your efforts for perfection. Your coolness may occasionally appear to be arrogance, and that often deceives people around you about what really moves you.