Part I: Discerning

Yesterday, my thoughts were in disarray. I was so confused and I didn’t know what direction to take, or if I have been doing things right.

I have been scouting for a school for Masters. Before, I have been casually browsing through universities and business schools, but now it seems as if I have become too overwhelmed. I think this all started when I read this article, We the restless, which was published several days ago in a local newspaper. I can relate well since on my first job with IBM, I only stayed for a few months – five and a half – to be precise. I was on contract then, and was finally offered the position but according to the management, I would have to be under probation for three more months because my contract was initially under project-based or contractual. I was offered to stay in my position thrice. I rejected it thrice. Here’s why:

1. I felt that I had no personal growth if I stayed there. Sure, I felt I could climb up the corporate ladder but how long would it take me? The person I replaced moved one position higher after 5 years working there.
2. I felt no fulfillment. It was just about serving the client and attending to their problems and issues, then reporting it. It was very administrative. At the end of it all, I would be asking myself, what I had done significantly today? I was actually glad that nowadays, most people would look for a fulfilling job irregardless of the salary. I also read this article online citing the desire of the workforce for some meaningful work, something that would give them fulfillment.
3. Third – I was bored. There were times when the pressure is high and the adrenaline is rushing, but most days, I was just bored of the plain old routine. And I would be the last person who likes routine.
4. I was earning very little. Even if we have twice a year increase, I would estimate my salary to increase only 10% per year at the most.
5. Before I left, there was news of relocating to another site. This site would add 30 more minutes of driving from my house.

And then I transferred to government… vis-a-vis my IBM experience…

1. I think I’ve grown a lot… the work in the government is very dynamic. Of course, before I was transferred departments, I felt utterly useless but now that I moved, there are a lot of things I have learned but I feel they aren’t enough.
2. It’s more fulfilling knowing you’re affecting many people and you know that you’re doing it for their good. However, the downside is, who gives a crap about this? When they ask me what my position is I have to ask, “officially or what I really do?” You see, in government, it’s very hard to get an item thus why no one in their proper mind (unless they’re a martyr, incompetent or heroic) would actually spend their years or even attempt to go into government.
3. Well, I’m not bored. Sometimes I would relish the down days when there aren’t too much activities, because to be honest, it’s very stressful. Compared to this, IBM is very very very relaxed.
4. I’m still earning very little. Although my salary is much higher than if I would have stayed in IBM. Bad thing is, the government doesn’t have budgets for salary increase. It’s all about heroism.
5. I had to rent a place because it takes me 50 minutes more to travel to the office as compared to my last job. It takes me 15-20 minutes walking from the apartment to the office.

I know, I’m starting to think I make really bad decisions. So now that makes me confused about my position right now…

To be continued… just because I know no one wants to read long posts unless they’re funny.

Update: Autopsy

So I have mentioned that we asked our dog to be brought to the Philippine Animal Health Center (PAHC) for an autopsy if she died due to rabies or her injury. Good news for me, rabies was negative. She must have died from her injury. This brings me to blame myself for not bringing her immediately to the vet, and somewhat, my mom for listening to our stupid driver. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom but she’s quite… persistent. She asks too many questions but then she doesn’t like bringing people, or animals, to doctors. It took her a while to get me to see a doctor. I don’t mind that. Honestly, I didn’t want to see a doctor. But then, when Yuki was sick, it took me around seven times to persuade her to bring him to the doctor. In Rain’s case, I didn’t do anything. And that’s what sucked more than anything. And now, she’s dead.

Philippine Travel

I have this really big passion for traveling. It’s even bigger than my photography, but of course they come hand in hand. I have only been to few places outside the country – around 4 countries and 2 states in US. However, given that the Philippines has 7,107 islands (only 7,106 now because the one island already sunk – climate change effect), I am so overwhelmed with my desire to go to different places in the country. The difficulty in going around the Philippines is the transportation. Most of the time you would have to transfer from bus to jeepney to tricycle to boat etc. especially if you’re going to the farther places.

So I saw this online – it shows how many places you’ve already been to in the Philippines. I’m somewhat disappointed with myself as I haven’t been to many places in the country, but I guess this is not bad at all.

My Lakbayan grade is C+!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

For my fellow Filipinos, and foreigners who travel the Philippines, I’d love to know how many places you’ve been to in my country. Let me know 😉

Losses

Today has been a day of terrible losses…

1. I brought my brother to the airport. He’s headed to Louisiana and going to be there for a while. I don’t know what’s so different because he’s always out anyway, but home feels empty and incomplete. My brother and I might not be that close but I will miss him.
2. On our way to the airport, my dad called my mom. He told her the news that our dog, Rain, is dead. Rain has been with us for more or less 7 years. She’s adorable and protective. She doesn’t want to be touched though by other people aside from the family. She bites those that she doesn’t know. She’s a guard dog even though she’s not built to be one.
3. We have three dogs, Rain, Panda and Yuki. Rain and Panda are girls, and Yuki is a boy. Panda has always been jealous of Rain because we always scratch Rain’s tummy. Panda on the other hand is a Dachshund. As most people may know, Dachshunds like attention. We have to admit that we like Rain more, but Rain has been with us longer than Panda. When Yuki came, Panda became more violent and got more jealous. Yuki tries to reproduce with Rain but it was Rain that didn’t want to. Panda always attacked Rain so we have to keep one in a cage. A little less than two weeks ago, Panda got out of the cage and attacked Rain. Rain got wounded and one of her foot seemed to be broken. She can’t walk properly and was literally falling down when she tries to walk. My mom asked the driver to take her to the vet but the stupid driver insisted that she’ll be fine and my mom believed him. Several days after, she died.
4. Rain had become more cranky. She doesn’t want dogs in proximity to her, including Yuki. Last Sunday, Yuki was smelling her while I was scratching her tummy. She turned to Yuki and barked at him. My arm was grazed. It was only a scratch and it wasn’t too bad. I washed it with soap and water and asked my parents if I should go to the doctor and if Rain has had her shots. My parents are insane. They comforted me telling me Rain has had her anti-rabies shots and I should be okay.
5. Today, Tuesday, we decided to get the shots while I am on my day off. I told the orthopedic that I was bitten last Sunday at the arm. She asked to see it and she asked me why had I only gone to her now. She told me for such cases when the bite is on the arm, the rabies is quicker to reach the brain. She told me to go to San Lazaro or the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine. We quickly went on our way to San Lazaro while I searched for Animal Bite Centers around the area. I didn’t want to go all the way to Manila just to get shots. Good thing I have internet on my phone. We found one nearer which is in Taytay. I called up the number. I told them I was bitten last Sunday and on the arm. They said I should go there and they’ll look at it.
6. We were there around 12:45 pm. I was checked around 1:15 pm. The doctor basically feared that since Rain died, it might be rabies. He advised us to have Rain autopsied. We called my dad and asked him to dig up Rain and bring her to the vet. My dad called back saying that the vet doesn’t do that but the ones at the Philippine Animal Health Center (PAHC) does. So we planned the driver to take Rain to PAHC.
7. The doctor then told me that I have to take 4 shots of anti-rabies plus some antibiotics and other medicine. He says it’s not that bad that I would have to be taken to San Lazaro. If it bled and the blood dripped, I would have to be taken there. Good thing it didn’t. He did warn me though that most rabies cases take 1-7 years before it infects the person. After 7 years, there’s a big chance that the person is already safe. He also warned me that in the Philippines, no patient has survived rabies. Basically, I have 7 years to live. If I go beyond that, I may still be infected but there’s very little chance that would happen. The doctor reassured me though that the shots he would give me will prevent all of that from happening. I don’t really know what’s with doctors and scaring patients. I also had Anti-Tetanus shots to be safe.
8. We got home and Rain was rushed to PAHC for autopsy. Tomorrow, we will learn if Rain died of her injury, or rabies.
9. Later on, my sister was looking for her iTouch that I had been playing earlier. We can’t find it in my bags, nor my mom’s bag nor the car. Now she’s telling me I would have to buy her a new one.

I’m beginning to think I really don’t like this day.

Risks

Don’t be scared to take risks. Life is full of them. If you don’t take a risk, how will you succeed?

Everybody is scared of failure. If one is not scared to fail and if one expects to fail, then what is the point of trying? And not even trying, is the biggest failure of all.

My Room

I was on my bed last night, lying on my tummy, surfing the internet while drinking red wine. I received a message and put the glass down. As I was reaching for my mobile, I forgot about the glass and knocked it over, spilling the red wine on my sheets. Forget about what happened next but I had to change sheets and was looking for one that would look nice with the pillowcases of my old sheets as I don’t intend to change them. I also heard that this year lacks the fire element so there I went and picked something that would add fire to my room.

 

Not bad. Not bad at all…

And one of the photos is where I actually sleep – the foot of the bed. LOL I don’t really use the pillows. And I also added a photo of my curtains! 🙂