Gmail Password Leak Update

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Originally posted on WordPress.com News:

This week, a group of hackers released a list of about 5 million Gmail addresses and passwords. This list was not generated as a result of an exploit of WordPress.com, but since a number of emails on the list matched email addresses associated with WordPress.com accounts, we took steps to protect our users.

We downloaded the list, compared it to our user database, and proactively reset over 100,000 accounts for which the password given in the list matched the WordPress.com password. We also sent email notification of the password reset containing instructions for regaining access to the account. Users who received the email were instructed to follow these steps:

  1. Go to WordPress.com.
  2. Click the “Login” button on the homepage.
  3. Click on the link “Lost your password?”
  4. Enter your WordPress.com username.
  5. Click the “Get New Password” button.

In general, it’s very important that passwords be unique for each account. Using the same…

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I’d Rather Fly Solo

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There’s a very simple reason why I’d rather fly solo, or why I’d want to stay single: I hate being disappointed. 

I used to be the kind of person who wouldn’t stay single for more than two months. I am not sure exactly why but I am slowly beginning to think it’s because I like affirmation. I like being wanted, being chased, being glorified. If it doesn’t work out, it’s okay. I’ll find another,

Then I got older.

I got mellow. I started protecting myself. I started to get picky. I started to learn how to decide not to fall in love. I started appreciating the moments alone. I appreciated being able to eat alone – the peace, the quiet, the satisfaction of being alone and independent. I loved how I could eat alone and not care what others think. I loved how I was happy and could date anyone I liked. I loved my freedom.

Even after all these, I made a mistake. I thought, I’d be less reckless than when I was younger, but I realized I was more daring and careless now compared to before. I fell in love.

After all, what could be so wrong about loving?

Falling in love with the wrong person.

I started to hate myself for it. I began expecting, hoping. I began feeling hurt, disappointed. I started to hate feelings. I hated how I could be so affected with something I know I shouldn’t be. I hated caring. I started getting depressed. I started pushing him away. I hate feeling I loved him more than he loves me. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I hate everything about falling in love.

I am probably selfish, yes. I am the kind of person who’d run away if I know it was hopeless. One reason why I have had so many relationships that just didn’t work out. I’d rather preserve myself than sink head deep in my own shit (feelings). I’d rather just get out and clean myself.

Reality is, it’s a pattern. I hate myself for being part of this loop. If I was alone, if I didn’t fall in love, I’d probably still be happy.

How do I get out?

Coffee Shops

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Okay, I know I should be working – I planned to come here in Starbucks to work but I can’t help writing in my blog. Second, I know I should be writing about other stuff like #whatintheworldhappenedtomethepastthreemonths but no. I am writing about my experience here in a coffee shop.

I’m at a point in my life wherein I can afford to go to coffee shops without asking my parents for money. I’m at a point in my life when I can order coffee (Starbucks here in the Philippines is a luxury given the salaries) without worrying about money. To be honest, I am quite proud of myself.

And then I stop. I realize all of this cannot be attributed to me. I owe it to the people around me. I owe it to my parents who sent me to a good school. I owe it to my good school which taught me what I know now. I owe it to the companies which accepted me and gave me experience. I owe it to my past and current bosses who took a chance with me and gave me the opportunity. I owe it to them that’s why I am where I am now.

Most of all, I owe it to Him.

Every morning, I wake up and pray, “Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,” a phrase which means “To God be the glory.” I came to a point within the past three months that I forgot who I was working so hard for. I was just reminded of it two weeks ago.

On a funny note, there’s this gay Starbucks employee flirting with the security guard. haha

Ifs…

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If I could bring back the time when we were together, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could see you again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could stare into the depths of your eyes again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could kiss your lips again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could fall in love with you again, I am certain I would not want to.

Because…

If I do bring back the time when we were together, I’d do everything to make you stay.

If I do see you again, I am not sure that I would not run away.

If I could stare into the depths of your eyes again, I may betray that I never wanted to let you go.

If I could kiss your lips again, I may not stop holding on.

If I could fall in love with you again, I may not be able to love someone else when you leave again.

But…

If I could grab the stars, cup them in my hands, and give them to you, I probably would.

If I could light up your night by freeing a cage of fireflies, I probably would.

If I could climb mountains, capture the sunrise to show them to you, I probably would.

If I could trek the ravenous tracks, ask the seeds from God and give them to you to plant, I probably would.

If I could dive underwater and hold my breath until at the brink of death to give you life, I probably would.

Until now, whenever I close my eyes and remember you, I only wish I have never met you. Whenever I remember the smoothness of your skin, I only wish I have never touched you. Whenever I see that we were together, only to realize I was dreaming, I wish I have never fell so hard.

Because…

Probably, just probably, I still love you.

 

Contemplation

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Being unemployed gave me a lot of time to think… and contemplate about a lot of things. I realized I have been so proud and I thought I could do anything. However, I was not employed in 3 seconds. I have been underqualified, overqualified, “can’t be afforded” and all kinds of misfits into a job. I have asked God again and again why I cannot get a job, and I started wondering what I will do with my life.

Before, when an interviewer would ask me what I want to do or be in the future, I’d tell them I want to be a C-executive. The last two weeks I’ve realized that I wanted something more. I wanted to still be able to do things that I love doing – like traveling – even though I have a job. I want to not be limited working just a job. I want something more. I want to shake things up, change the way those around me think. Change the politics, change processes. I want to change the game. It’s a big dream, I know. I don’t know how I will do it but I am hoping I will have the opportunity to. Right now, just take one step at a time.

Yesterday, I accepted an offer from an IT service company. My head reeled around the possibilities of what I could do with what I will be earning. I have made myself a budget. In the end, I planned to allocate a part of my salary to sponsor a child’s education through a foundation.

I’m not earning a large amount of money. I just felt that I should give back, and not go back to that proud person that I was.

Clutter of Thoughts

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I have been thinking of the amazing ability of humans to hold so much information – sights, memories, thoughts, facts, etc. To be honest, sometimes I wish I have an eidetic memory so it’s innate in my brain to remember stuff, and probably, just probably, it’ll be much easier for me to order my thoughts.

Anyway, what news… I’ve moved back to my country and have started looking for a job. It is depressing because it seems as if the companies here do not value talent or potential. It’s as if they want robots with no ambitions. It’s sad. Sometimes I don’t feel like telling interviewers what I want for the future. Maybe they get scared I’ll get their jobs within five years. LOL *I’mjustbeingsarcasticandbitterdon’tmindme*

I have also noticed that almost all the basic goods here like food, have already increased prices *inflation* however, salaries have not. I have been to an interview which proposed that I only get a base salary of Php 11,000-14,000. A salary loads lower than my first job. Things like these are disheartening. Harsh truth is, companies here are exploiting people to do work at such low rate. Filipinos do a very good job but they become complacent because with shitty salaries for years, what will drive them to succeed?

Even more, I am infuriated because almost the higher salaries for people like me are in the government – and I don’t want to go back in the government. From my experience, government employees are not even being paid for their skills. It’s like they just put their foot down and grew roots in their positions – doesn’t matter if they cannot do their job well as long as they have the CSC to protect their asses from being fired. I’m ranting again.

Moving on, I should really stop procrastinating and arrange my cluttered thoughts.

A Reply to My Previous Reblog: The Last time I Will Ever Think of You

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Dear my recent ex-boyfriend,

I’m the bad person. I know that much.

I’m the one who always complains, whines and wants to break up with you. I can’t even recount the number of times I’ve broken up with you or begged you to let me go.

Those times that I hurt you because I wanted to break up with you were also the times I thought twice about our relationship. I admired your persistence. When we first met, I was clear that I did not want anything more than a friend. You were a great friend. I thought such notion would work well for us. However, you started hitting on me. I did not like you that way. I knew you were fragile. I knew I was going to hurt you. I wanted to keep myself away from you.

You made me choose – either I date you and become your girlfriend or you walk away and I lose you. I was selfish. I did not want to lose a friend so I chose to date you even though I knew I was not ready for a relationship. I swallowed it. I did not feel anything when you touch my hand, or kiss me. I was angry all the time because I regret what you had done to me. If you liked me then as you claimed, why did you have to blackmail me? Why put me in such a position?

Months passed. Weeks have not gone by without fights – mainly because I start it. I was not content. My heart was troubled. I did not like you as a boyfriend. I regretted our relationship. I have insisted on an open dating relationship. You were possessive. I never said “I love you” until two months after. I probably lied because I did not love you like how you want me to love you. I loved you as my friend, as my confidant. Heck, even before our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship started, you knew my secrets – my pains, my wants, my frustrations. When we started dating, you were a frustration and I could not tell anyone.

Three months into our relationship, I opened up about my past relationships. You have always viewed them as a bad past of me. I did not view them as such. They were experiences to me and I’ve accepted them as a part of me. I need not tell the world about my relationships and its details. You wanted to know every bit of it. I told you and you viewed them as faults. I felt like a broken person nobody wanted and needed to be fixed.

I felt like I was a project to you.

You were a vegetarian and when around you, I could not eat meat. It started slowly but eventually you started telling me not to eat meat totally. You never viewed yourself as a controlling person but that is how I view you. What you wanted was what you wanted and I don’t have any say in it. My fault was I let you do that to me. I just lash out and keep on starting fights which hurt you because that was the only way I knew you would even listen to me.

I have always brought up the concept of respect in our fights. I have always felt you did not respect me – my views, my opinions, my habits, my past, myself. With you, I felt I just lost myself. I felt like damaged goods. Probably because that was how you viewed me. I was someone to be fixed. The ironic thing about it is that before you, I did not feel that. I felt I was free and happy and I could do a lot of things. Then you happened.

I lied about many things. Sometimes I would say I did not eat meat but for dinner, there was only meat so I ate it. You would have wanted me to skip meals anyway. Sometimes I would also say that I am going to sleep, but I was actually up until 2 in the morning watching a TV show. Almost all my time was spent messaging you that’s why I couldn’t get time for myself and do things I want to do. You have always complained when I don’t message for two minutes. What more if I disappeared for hours watching TV? For you, couples should always be messaging and be in touch. I was not like that from the beginning. You wanted me to change. So I tried messaging you all the time. I have to admit I get bored most of the time because you just wanted to talk about how much I love you or how much I wanted to hug or kiss you. I didn’t enjoy talking about those things.

You have always been a sensitive person. Oversensitive, in fact. Sometimes I feel like banging my head against the wall. Sometimes I wish I had amnesia and forget who I am so I could forget about you. I almost always lied about my feelings because I hated to see you sad if I answered truthfully and I knew it would make you sad. I have always felt imprisoned by you. You just probably loved me too much.

I eventually changed and appreciated you more. You were a rock I could lean on, a friend who could listen to me. You changed too. You didn’t need me to message you all the time. It came to a point that you were my only happiness. Fights became less frequent – we could go on for five straight days without fighting. I was happy. I loved you. Truly. However, not as much as you loved me. My love was not enough. Heck, I did not even mind that my parents knew about our relationship and yours don’t. You said your mom flared up when you told her you liked me. She clearly did not want her son involved with me because I am from another country. I have a different culture, different food habits, different language. I was a secret for over a year and I did not mind that everyone knew except people who were really important to you.

We were going to separate and I was clear I did not want a long distance relationship. You wanted to keep the relationship. Two days later, I changed my mind and said we should try it. We finally separated but we were in touch. It was not enough. We fight a lot mainly because I am fickle. I knew I loved you but it was not enough. I cannot see myself with you in the future. I could not commit to you. I could not take it anymore that I was a secret. I felt like a person no one wanted. It hurts when I see my friends in a stable and committed relationship. I was envious. I was not happy.

I told you in the midst of my depression that I was not happy. I have been truthful. I was clear that I cannot see myself with you in the future. I was clear that I do not love you as much as you love me. Fights were frequent again. I was the bad person. I was the liar.

I am sorry if you felt led on. I did not want to do that. I thought I would try. I’m sorry. I should not have blamed you. I was angry. I was angry because of the decisions I made. I should have let you walk away from the beginning. I should have not been selfish. We could have been both spared a lot of pain. I’m sorry I want this over. I’m sorry that I make you feel your love is not enough. You loved me too much and I was not grateful enough. I’m sorry I come running back to you even after telling you I’m breaking up with you. I should have been strong to walk away. I have personal issues. I am not a person you deserve.

You deserve someone better – someone worthy of your love. To move on with our lives you have to let me go. Please let me go so you can be happy.

There are many truths and lies in our relationship. You need only remember one truth: I have loved you. However, I cannot give you the same. I am setting you free and I want you to fly free. Don’t hold on to me. Please be happy.

Sincerely,

xxxx