Aging

Standard

I have been mulling over a comment made by my roommate (yes, I finally have a roommate in a small flat I rented!) a week ago. She said, “you’re such a nerd,” which was triggered by me finally deciding on ‘The World is Flat’ as my go-to book to sleep. I looked at her weirdly and asked, “what? Why?” She answered, “You like playing jigsaw puzzles during your down time, you watch videos for online courses, and now you’re reading THAT to sleep.”

Me being a nerd was emphasized earlier while we were having dinner at a posh restaurant near our apartment. She basically observed that I have a strong inclination towards the left brain while our group of friends are more right-brained. I disagreed and realized that it was true. I told her I have other hobbies… such as traveling… Except I cannot travel much nowadays. She basically pointed out that that wouldn’t count as I can’t do it after work. I don’t paint, play music, draw, sketch etc. during my down time. Instead, as she pointed out, I read articles from Harvard Business Review, Forbes and Entrepreneur. People my age read Cosmopolitan or Vogue. Oh, and she watches reality TV shows.

True again. She wondered why we’re friends. I pointed out that we balance each other out.

We started talking about books we liked. It ranged from fiction to classics to biographies. We talked about Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre to Stieg Larsson to Neil Gaiman. We talked about work and how our schools had an influence on our perfomances. We talked about the future. We talked about perspectives on love, and making love.

I realized one important thing tonight. We’re adults. Fresh graduates look at us as if we’re a bunch of old people who know about the world. Friends look at us and say one thing about us right off the bat. Close friends look at us and tell us how stubborn we are. Best friends look at us and analyze us. They accept our perspectives. They accept who we are.

My group of acquaintances got larger over the years. My group of friends had gotten larger too, but my group of closest friends had gotten significantly smaller. I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all. Actually, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for having friends who have known me for years and stayed. I’m grateful for having friends who I can be myself with – all my flaws and bloopers.

I believe there’s wisdom in aging not because you simply age but because you meet people and you learn to appreciate those who stay. There’s beauty in watching someone else’s life grow, and there’s significance in being a part of such. I believe the mere act of staying and being there already makes a huge impact on any person, and I daresay, make the most out of it.

Gmail Password Leak Update

Standard

Originally posted on WordPress.com News:

This week, a group of hackers released a list of about 5 million Gmail addresses and passwords. This list was not generated as a result of an exploit of WordPress.com, but since a number of emails on the list matched email addresses associated with WordPress.com accounts, we took steps to protect our users.

We downloaded the list, compared it to our user database, and proactively reset over 100,000 accounts for which the password given in the list matched the WordPress.com password. We also sent email notification of the password reset containing instructions for regaining access to the account. Users who received the email were instructed to follow these steps:

  1. Go to WordPress.com.
  2. Click the “Login” button on the homepage.
  3. Click on the link “Lost your password?”
  4. Enter your WordPress.com username.
  5. Click the “Get New Password” button.

In general, it’s very important that passwords be unique for each account. Using the same…

View original 155 more words

I’d Rather Fly Solo

Standard

There’s a very simple reason why I’d rather fly solo, or why I’d want to stay single: I hate being disappointed. 

I used to be the kind of person who wouldn’t stay single for more than two months. I am not sure exactly why but I am slowly beginning to think it’s because I like affirmation. I like being wanted, being chased, being glorified. If it doesn’t work out, it’s okay. I’ll find another,

Then I got older.

I got mellow. I started protecting myself. I started to get picky. I started to learn how to decide not to fall in love. I started appreciating the moments alone. I appreciated being able to eat alone – the peace, the quiet, the satisfaction of being alone and independent. I loved how I could eat alone and not care what others think. I loved how I was happy and could date anyone I liked. I loved my freedom.

Even after all these, I made a mistake. I thought, I’d be less reckless than when I was younger, but I realized I was more daring and careless now compared to before. I fell in love.

After all, what could be so wrong about loving?

Falling in love with the wrong person.

I started to hate myself for it. I began expecting, hoping. I began feeling hurt, disappointed. I started to hate feelings. I hated how I could be so affected with something I know I shouldn’t be. I hated caring. I started getting depressed. I started pushing him away. I hate feeling I loved him more than he loves me. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I hate everything about falling in love.

I am probably selfish, yes. I am the kind of person who’d run away if I know it was hopeless. One reason why I have had so many relationships that just didn’t work out. I’d rather preserve myself than sink head deep in my own shit (feelings). I’d rather just get out and clean myself.

Reality is, it’s a pattern. I hate myself for being part of this loop. If I was alone, if I didn’t fall in love, I’d probably still be happy.

How do I get out?

Coffee Shops

Standard

Okay, I know I should be working – I planned to come here in Starbucks to work but I can’t help writing in my blog. Second, I know I should be writing about other stuff like #whatintheworldhappenedtomethepastthreemonths but no. I am writing about my experience here in a coffee shop.

I’m at a point in my life wherein I can afford to go to coffee shops without asking my parents for money. I’m at a point in my life when I can order coffee (Starbucks here in the Philippines is a luxury given the salaries) without worrying about money. To be honest, I am quite proud of myself.

And then I stop. I realize all of this cannot be attributed to me. I owe it to the people around me. I owe it to my parents who sent me to a good school. I owe it to my good school which taught me what I know now. I owe it to the companies which accepted me and gave me experience. I owe it to my past and current bosses who took a chance with me and gave me the opportunity. I owe it to them that’s why I am where I am now.

Most of all, I owe it to Him.

Every morning, I wake up and pray, “Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,” a phrase which means “To God be the glory.” I came to a point within the past three months that I forgot who I was working so hard for. I was just reminded of it two weeks ago.

On a funny note, there’s this gay Starbucks employee flirting with the security guard. haha

Ifs…

Standard

If I could bring back the time when we were together, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could see you again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could stare into the depths of your eyes again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could kiss your lips again, I am not certain I would want to.

If I could fall in love with you again, I am certain I would not want to.

Because…

If I do bring back the time when we were together, I’d do everything to make you stay.

If I do see you again, I am not sure that I would not run away.

If I could stare into the depths of your eyes again, I may betray that I never wanted to let you go.

If I could kiss your lips again, I may not stop holding on.

If I could fall in love with you again, I may not be able to love someone else when you leave again.

But…

If I could grab the stars, cup them in my hands, and give them to you, I probably would.

If I could light up your night by freeing a cage of fireflies, I probably would.

If I could climb mountains, capture the sunrise to show them to you, I probably would.

If I could trek the ravenous tracks, ask the seeds from God and give them to you to plant, I probably would.

If I could dive underwater and hold my breath until at the brink of death to give you life, I probably would.

Until now, whenever I close my eyes and remember you, I only wish I have never met you. Whenever I remember the smoothness of your skin, I only wish I have never touched you. Whenever I see that we were together, only to realize I was dreaming, I wish I have never fell so hard.

Because…

Probably, just probably, I still love you.

 

Contemplation

Standard

Being unemployed gave me a lot of time to think… and contemplate about a lot of things. I realized I have been so proud and I thought I could do anything. However, I was not employed in 3 seconds. I have been underqualified, overqualified, “can’t be afforded” and all kinds of misfits into a job. I have asked God again and again why I cannot get a job, and I started wondering what I will do with my life.

Before, when an interviewer would ask me what I want to do or be in the future, I’d tell them I want to be a C-executive. The last two weeks I’ve realized that I wanted something more. I wanted to still be able to do things that I love doing – like traveling – even though I have a job. I want to not be limited working just a job. I want something more. I want to shake things up, change the way those around me think. Change the politics, change processes. I want to change the game. It’s a big dream, I know. I don’t know how I will do it but I am hoping I will have the opportunity to. Right now, just take one step at a time.

Yesterday, I accepted an offer from an IT service company. My head reeled around the possibilities of what I could do with what I will be earning. I have made myself a budget. In the end, I planned to allocate a part of my salary to sponsor a child’s education through a foundation.

I’m not earning a large amount of money. I just felt that I should give back, and not go back to that proud person that I was.

Clutter of Thoughts

Standard

I have been thinking of the amazing ability of humans to hold so much information – sights, memories, thoughts, facts, etc. To be honest, sometimes I wish I have an eidetic memory so it’s innate in my brain to remember stuff, and probably, just probably, it’ll be much easier for me to order my thoughts.

Anyway, what news… I’ve moved back to my country and have started looking for a job. It is depressing because it seems as if the companies here do not value talent or potential. It’s as if they want robots with no ambitions. It’s sad. Sometimes I don’t feel like telling interviewers what I want for the future. Maybe they get scared I’ll get their jobs within five years. LOL *I’mjustbeingsarcasticandbitterdon’tmindme*

I have also noticed that almost all the basic goods here like food, have already increased prices *inflation* however, salaries have not. I have been to an interview which proposed that I only get a base salary of Php 11,000-14,000. A salary loads lower than my first job. Things like these are disheartening. Harsh truth is, companies here are exploiting people to do work at such low rate. Filipinos do a very good job but they become complacent because with shitty salaries for years, what will drive them to succeed?

Even more, I am infuriated because almost the higher salaries for people like me are in the government – and I don’t want to go back in the government. From my experience, government employees are not even being paid for their skills. It’s like they just put their foot down and grew roots in their positions – doesn’t matter if they cannot do their job well as long as they have the CSC to protect their asses from being fired. I’m ranting again.

Moving on, I should really stop procrastinating and arrange my cluttered thoughts.